Day 14

Day 14
Originally uploaded by Echoes of Life

School starts tomorrow. Boo. I'm already up way later than I should be and I don't wanna go! Too bad I have to. At least I get to see who failed last semester. That sounds mean, but you don't my psycho classmates.

We'll see how it goes. I hope it's better than what I feel like it will be.

Day 11-13

One more day of freedom and it's back to school. I don't know whether to cry or laugh. I'm not ready to leave my baby again, but at the same time I'm ready for some adult(though I use this term loosely in regards to my classmates) interaction. I'm dreading going back to having no time for anything. It makes me feel so guilty not being able to spend the time I want with my son. That's the worst part, then add to that not having time to practice photography or do much else, and you get a miserable Cheese. I'm just hoping that since I'll actually be in clincals doing more than reading a book and listening to a boring teacher, I'll be more interested and not feel so bored with it all. I need some kind of interest in nursing sparked again. I don't want to spend the rest of my semesters in school feeling like I'm wasting my time. I just so look forward to taking photography classes next year, it's going to be so wonderful. My aunt might take some with me, so I'll have a buddy, but even if she doesn't, I'm really hoping to make a friend or two. I need friends so badly. I'm thoroughly sick of being so lonely.

Thursday night Travis, Maddox, and I went and drove around town for a little bit so I could take some pictures. I had a blast and felt so good to go out and photograph something that wasn't in my own yard. Good inspiration. Haven't done much else this weekend. Enjoying my son, watching movies with Travis, and playing on the internetz. Tonight(or last night rather), Maddox and I drove around with Jamie for a little while, though we didn't stay out long. Now I'm about to go to bed, enjoy sleeping in for the last time in a while(I know I'll have weekends, but when you get used to getting up early every day, it's hard to sleep in).

I just hope my teachers don't bust a nut about my hair color. I don't think it's too out there.

Day 10

Day 10
Originally uploaded by Echoes of Life

I finally registered for school today. As a reward for my massive procrastination, I got to sit there for about 6 hours. It's ridiculous how unorganized the school is. The worst part is that they've been doing this multiple times a year for years. You'd think they'd have come up with a fucking system by now. Oh hell no, they thrive on mass chaos. I'm so so not ready to go back on Monday. I'm sure the semester itself will go by fast, but the days themselves will drag. This semester ending also means that my son will be turning one, so getting to end of this semester will be bittersweet. It's unbelievable how fast it all goes. Depressing. At least I'll be on break so he can have a little party and I can do his cake smash pictures. I am so excited to do those. Just gotta get some white seamless first. I'm debating a new flash or lens too. Decisions, decisions.

Day 9

Day 9
Originally uploaded by Echoes of Life

So after feeling so blah and depressed last night, I decided to change things up and dye my hair. It's supposed to be brown with a purple/reddish hue. I think it looks good. Not exactly what I had been looking for, but it was nice because it was something different. I feel better today. Still blah, but at least not depressed.

I have to go register for school in about 5 hours. I don't wanna. I really don't. Aside from the fact that I'm enjoying being home with my son, my heart is just so not in nursing. I keep saying that, but it doesn't matter. I know I'll get my groove back once school starts, and also, if I just finish nursing school, I can pursue photography to my heart's content. I may have said this already, but it's comforting. That way, if starting a photography business one day didn't work out, I wouldn't be fucked. I think more than anything right now I just don't feel like being back in school already and I'm worried about who is still in our class. It's awful, but I'm really hoping we lost a few of the bad apples. I know we've already lost some of the nicest people in our class.

Meh.

Day 8

Day 8
Originally uploaded by Echoes of Life

This has been a bad day for me. Depression decided to knock me flat on my ass. I'm feeling so discouraged, sad, lonely, and uninspired. Enough for me to take my meds again. Not a happy Cheese at all. I'm hoping this is just a bad day and that's all. I really hate feeling like this. The worst part is that I felt so great and happy last night. I cared. Now I just feel like it's all pointless.

I seriously hope that it's just today.

And I dyed my hair. I had to do something to perk myself up.

Day 7

Day 7
Originally uploaded by Echoes of Life

I am so tired today. So so tired. Mr. Maddox decided that he did not want to go to bed until after 2am last night. He's NEVER been up that late before. Then, Travass and I stayed up late watching TV, then I stayed up even later editing. These freaking wedding pictures are neverending. I should be proud that I got so many usable pictures, but shit, it's a lot to edit! So I didn't get to bed until like 7 probably. The kicker is that I had to babysit today. If I didn't have to babysit I would have been able to sleep in because Maddox would sleep in since he was up so late. Instead, I got to drag my ass out of bed totally unwillingly and go babysit. At least the kids were good and it was only for a couple of hours. I just wanted to sleep so badly!

I've been in a funk lately and I really think it's time I pull myself out of it. I need to get all this crap out of my head and get away. It's obviously not good for me and I don't know why I continue to torture myself. It's so ridiculous. Silly.

Time to put my best foot forward.

Day 6

Day 6
Originally uploaded by Echoes of Life

Today has been such a long day. I don't know what it is. It's just dragging and dragging. It seems awfully quiet in general. No phone calls, no one on the interwebz. I'm starting to really feel the stir crazy feeling again. I'm trying to enjoy my break though, I'll be back in school soon and bitching that I don't have any time to do anything.

Cheese needz to get sum frenz and a lyfe. Fo sho.

Baby Einstein = Baby Crack?

I've never bought one of those Baby Einstein movies for Maddox until last night(well, grandma bought it), and I just popped that sucker in the DVD player and that kid is staring at the TV and giggling like someone on an acid trip. Where the hell was I when someone suggested these movies?? Baby crack. Serious baby crack. Get some.

(This ad brought to you by the makers of BabyCrackRUS)

Sucked In

You when you're up at ungodly hours and the only thing that's on is those godawful infomercials? Yeah, right here, I'm watching. What is it about those fucking things? The acting is worse than the acting in a bad porn(let's not talk about that), you know damn well the things they're selling probably aren't worth a damn, and yet, you find yourself thinking "Hey, that's pretty nifty, I think I need one of those!" I think my insomnia coupled with a lottery win would result in Cheese having a lot of knife sets and crappy vacuums. And wait, if you call now, we'll somehow con you into spending another 50 bucks and make it sound like deal!

(Buy the Rug Doctor now and you'll never be too embarassed to have company over again!)

Seriously, I must be an idiot. I watch these demonstrations and it makes the product look great and I know damn well that it's probably not worth damn, yet I want it. Subliminal messages or something.....

(The Rug Doctor REALLY works!)

Day 5

Day 5
Originally uploaded by Echoes of Life

If ever a day went fast, this one did. I barely got today's picture done before midnight(can you tell by the crappy quality??). I spent all evening shopping with my MIL and running around town. It was a blast, but I ache head to toe from it. We spent hours at Walmart. And not one Walmart, but two. Yes, I am indeed a Walmart whore. Guilty. My son is going to be so spoiled(did I say going to be? He already is). We spent a ton of money and I'd say almost all of it was for him. I can't complain too much, I enjoy getting things for him. I love to see his face light up. I got a few of the wedding pictures printed to see how they would look on paper, and I have to say they look pretty damn good. I've had my camera for what? 6 or 7 months? I have worked my ass off practicing and it really feels good to have it pay off. It's wonderful to finally feel like I may have a talent for something. Don't get me wrong, I'm no Ansel Adams, but I think in the short amount of time I've been working at this, I'm doing pretty good. It's not often I pat myself on the back. Next week I have to shoot the rummage sale fundraiser for our class at school. I wonder if anyone will show up. Honestly, I don't even care that much, it's just another opportunity for me to practice. I'm also hoping to have a session with my cousins next week. I would love to be able to do more, but I don't want to get in over my head with school starting. I have to keep reminding myself that if I can just finish nursing school, I can pursue photography all I want, but no matter what, I'll have a secure job. It's just so hard to wait. I know the time will fly, but my heart just isn't as in it as it was. It does make me feel better to know that I can pursue my passion, but I won't jeopordize my family's financial security over it.

What else? Oh yeah, I was massively backed up and my stomach was killing me, but I've solved that problem. Just what you wanted to hear, yes?

Day 4

Day 4
Originally uploaded by Echoes of Life

This day has gone by fast. It's already 8:30. I got my cheapo fisheye/macro lens today. I've barely played with it, but there'll be time. I'm feeling frumpy and grumpy. I feel overwhelmed trying to get the wedding pictures edited just right. I just hope she likes them. It's hard for me, I'm so overly critical of myself and anything I do, but we shall see. Back to editing.......

Day 3

Day 3
Originally uploaded by Echoes of Life

I've made it 3 days, woot! This is harder than it seems. I so didn't feel like taking my picture, but I did it. I'm also very very picky, so it takes a lot longer for me to be satisfied with my picture. This is me being frustrated, but it works. I guess.

I am finding myself increasingly weary of the people around me, and yet, still more lonely. I long for companions, but I suppose I'm looking in all the wrong places. It also seems I am becoming a bad judge of character, which scares me. I'm usually good at that. I have to give myself a little credit, it's a lot harder to size someone up through a computer screen. More and more I'm slinking back into isolation, but at least this time I'm bringing my camera with me. It's my only solace these days, except my son and fiance. Three things that bring me enormous joy--and frustration. Sometimes I wish I could go back to being 16. It seemed so easy to make friends then. People who thought the same way. Now it's like a needle in a haystack and when I think I have finally found someone, I come to find I have made a gross error. Ah well, try, try again.

I just want a friend.

Cheese 365

I started a project. The challenge is to take a self-portrait every day for a year. It's fun, I just hope I don't forget or get lazy about it. Time will tell.
Here's day one and two:

Wedding Peek

Storyboard
Originally uploaded by Echoes of Life

I have about 400 wedding pictures to edit from shooting Natalie and Gavin's wedding. I've edited some and made this storyboard(with Drew's big help, thanks Drew!). I have come to the conclusion that I hate making storyboards. I guess I'm just hardheaded. Anywho, here's the finished product. The border will have to be fixed after printing, so ignore that.

On a sidenote:I was going to make a photography blog, and I may later, but for now I'll just use this as my regular blog and my phtography blog. Enjoy!

The end is near....

Finally, the end of this hellacious semester is in sight. I have to take my med/surg final on Monday and my last Pharmacolgy test. The med/surg test should be easy. Meg/surg is broken down into smaller classes (i.e. Circulatory, Nursing Process, Fluid and Electrolytes, and Perioperative). They are taking questions for the final straight from previous tests. I aced most of those tests, and the ones I didn't, we reviewed, so I know where I went wrong. Pharmacology on the other hand, is going to be a bitch. The test is on 5 chapters(which is actually one chapter less than the last test) and is based on Antihypertensives/Diuretics and the like. I always panic, but I'm sure I'll be fine. Literally almost everyone faile the Circ test Friday. I'm talking even people who studied for hours and days failed. Which leads me to my story....

Story #1

We took our last test for Circulatory on Friday. That went normally enough. You know, you take the test, then you go outside and panic with your classmates about what the right answers were. After the test, we went back in and had a test review. That also went fine until we got to one of the math questions. Mayhem ensues. First, she made it kind of a trick question(I won't even try to explain it, you'll just have to trust Cheese on this one), which everyone felt was pretty shady considering how hard the test was. Then, she keeps telling us the answer is 12 units, when it was actually 0.12 units. Now let me explain something. When you feel a test question is wrong or unfair, there is nothing wrong with you bringing this to the teacher's attention. What you do not do is grab torch and pitch fork and join a lynch mob. Bad idea, bad bad bad idea. Needless to say, the whole class basically attacked the teacher and royally pissed her off. The worst part is that this is one of those teachers who can get REALLY bitchy and vindictive. In other words, this was the wrong teacher to fuck with. This means that 1)She will not even consider throwing out the question or giving a point for it and 2)She will find any other was possible to punish us. Know what she did? After she had told us that we would get our test grades that day, she changed her mind and said we wouldn't get them until Monday afternoon at the earliest. See? Vindictive bitch. This now leads me to story 2...

Story #2

Our next class was Fluid and Electrolytes, and we were also supposed to take our last test in there. I HATE, hate hate hate, this teacher. I'll give you a little backstory on that. First off, this teacher is a bitch. Now, I can appreciate a bitch, BUT, this lady is an unneccesary bitch and there is nothing I hate more. You cannot ask a question without her treating you like you just asked if the fucking sky was blue. I despise that kind of attitude. I also do not trust her. She acts like you can come talk to her and tell her your darkest secrets, but she's completely two-faced.

(backstory)
Not too long ago, a girl reported some people for cheating. That should have been kept in the strictest confidence right? (And in our school, that could very well jeopardize her safety if they found out she told) So, she tells this teacher, thinking she could trust her. You can see it coming right? Yep, she then went and told those students who told on her. Luckily, there were no retaliations or anything, but it could've gone much differently.

The thing that gets me about the teacher, and the reason I loathe is much bigger. A friend of mine had her in clinicals in 1st level. This friend was in clinicals with one of the girls in our class that is known for being a liar, a bitch, a bully, and even has been known to brag about her glock(yeah, a gun). In class my friend managed to get on the bad side of this bully, so you imagine how scary it might feel to find that you are in clinicals with them. Not only in clinicals with her, but actually partnered up with her. Bad news, man. Apparently, after my friend would leave a patient's room, the bully would go behind her and take pictures with her phone(it's not clear to me whether or not she would mess with things and then take pictures, or was just taking pictures etc) and was even taking pictures of my friend while she was working. The bully would then go and show these pictures to the teacher, making up all kinds of nonsense about how she left dirty diapers everywhere, wasn't taking care of the patients, and so on and so on. That's bad enough, right? This is also a MAJOR MAJOR HIPAA violation. Well, the teacher then came to my friend to tell her what the bully had been doing. She then goes on to tell my friend that if she goes to administration or reports any of this, that she would be forced to report my friend for all the things the bully said she did and that she would probably fail clinicals. In essence, she basically threatened my friend and scared her from telling. You see, this teacher probably could have lost her job, especially for letting the bully keep doing what she was doing and never stepping in. So, you can see why I have zero respect for this lady and why I loathe her. I want nothing more than to be able to speak my mind to her, but if I have her in clinicals, and I cross her, she can easily fail me for whatever reason she wants. I'm biding my time until I graduate, then I'll tell that bitch exactly what I think of her.

Ok, so, back to Friday. After the mess with our Circ teacher, we were about to take our next test in F&E. The teacher comes in and spends 30 minutes bitching the class out. Remember what I said about threats? She even went so far as to tell the class that they shouldn't get on the bad side of the teachers because if we have them in clinicals, they can fail us for whatever they want. I'm serious, she told the whole class that. Maybe you don't find any of this crazy, but I find it insane. You can imagine how bad our nerves were trying to take that damn test. No one could concentrate.

After all that happened, by the end of the day I was over it and had moved on. That day I was supposed to take pictures with my friends(which never happened, BTW), so I wore a strapless dress. Because of the dress code, I wore a cardigan all day in class. No complaints. After school, we stayed after to get our grades(minus Circ because she's a vindictive asshole). It's 500 fucking degrees outside, so I took off my sweater thinking that it would be ok because school was over, right? WRONG, wrong wrong wrong wrong!!!!!! A teacher comes out of her office(and this teacher is yet another one of those teachers that is an unneccesary bitch AND completely racist)and fucking SCREAMS at me "DON'T WEAR THAT DRESS AGAIN, YOU KNOW YOU CAN'T WEAR ANYTHING WITH BARE SHOULDERS,END OF STORY, GOT IT?!!" I calmly tell her that I had a sweater. "I DON'T CARE, YOU'RE NOT WEARING IT, DO NOT WEAR THAT DRESS AGAIN!!" I am
still calm and tell her that I did in fact wear my sweater all day and only now took it off. "WELL YOU AREN'T WEARING IT NOW, DON'T WEAR THAT DRESS AGAIN, YOU HEAR ME?" I chose this time to just walk away and ignore her. Fortunately the director of our department was not there that day. I am going to go to her and report this, but now I know that I can do it calmly. If she had been there that day, I probably would have been incoherent, I was so pissed. I don't care about the dress code. If I have to adhere to it on campus, whether it's after hours or not, fine. However, there was apsolutely no reason for her to reprimand me the way she did. She acted like she had to yell at me daily for coming to school dressed like a street walker. That, my dear, is not the case. I'm in a t-shirt and jeans 99.9% of the time. I'm just not going to allow her to talk to to me like that without any kind of provocation.

Thank fucking Bob it was Friday, or might've had to hurt someone. All I have to do is show up Monday for a couple of tests and I am done for 3 blissful weeks.

You get a fucking cookie or two if you actually made it this far.

Now that's disturbing.....

Ok, one thing and then I am going to bed.

I thought I would check my blog traffic before hitting the hay and I stumbled upon something interesting.

Someone found my blog by searching "Masturbating dans le bus". This is french for "masturbating in the bus". I don't even want to know why.

French people are weird.

You'll regret this in the morning

It's....oh....1:18 in the morning(I guess you could call that morning, I'll let you argue amongst yourselves about that one) and I sit here, awake. Not just awake, but blogging. I am supposed to wake up for school somewhere between 5:30-6am. I don't think it needs to be said that it will be a rough morning. I just laid in bed for a good 30-45 minutes and could not fall asleep. I think I got close a few times, but obviously not close enough. I see it has been almost ten days since my last confession, so I'm not doing too badly.

Let's see.....school. School is school. I have one week and one day left. You can't even really count the one day because I just have two tests to take, so it's not like I have to sit and learn anything. Not too shabby, eh? I've done well and should finish will mostly, if not all, A's. I'm thoroughly sick of school and the break will not be even close to long enough. Every day is like a Jerry Springer rerun. Everything but the "Jerry, Jerry!!" part, though I imagine that some are thinking that. I got all the pictures printed for school finally. I got tired of people asking. I got great feedback, except two things:

1. I received a few comments like "wow, you have a really nice camera". While this is true, I take that to mean that you are assuming that my "nice camera" was the reason that these pictures came out the way they did. I can assure you that, while my "nice camera" helped, it was not the sole reason the pictures came out nicely. I'm well aware they didn't mean it that way and that they weren't being malicious, but it is important to understand that without any understanding of photography, the camera is just an unsharpened pencil, a dry paintbrush. Do not misunderstand my words for arrogance, I know I'm new to this, but compared to my class, I may as well be a professional. In other words, the only thing they want to know is: "What button do I press to take the picture?" There is so much more to it than that.
2. I knew, from the day that I got conned into taking over the whole Historian position, that somehow, someone would bitch that there weren't enough pictures of them. I knew. As I said, everyone was pretty happy with the pictures, and I had started to get comfortable, thinking I had avoided pissing anyone off. Wrong. Wrong wrong wrong. I finally hear it: "Why aren't there any pictures of me in here?" But wait, it gets better! Not only is someone complaining, but it's the person I loathe most in class! Now, first of all, there were a couple of pictures of her in there(2 if you want to get picky), BUT it was totally unintentional. I promise. I tried very very hard to get everyone I could in the pictures just so that I didn't have to hear any bitching about anyone being left out. The only ones I left out were the ones that were adamant about not having their picture taken. So I first kindly point out that she is in fact in a few pictures. She then takes it upon herself to point out that she isn't. I'm not about to argue about it, so I tell her that I took the pictures, I printed them, so I think that I know who is in the pictures. She didn't say anything else to me about it, but I'm positive she mouthed off about it later.

Later that day the same girl got into it with a teacher. I couldn't even tell you what it was about, but it never ceases to amaze me how little respect these students have for their teachers. It's really a damn shame. I will say that it is obvious that this teacher doesn't like her, but it doesn't make this girl any less disrespectful. She's an asshat, plain and simple. She doesn't raise her hand, talks far too much, and spends the entire test review begging for extra points. The annoying part about her begging is that she spends class time answering the questions as though she knows the material like the back of her hand. You would think that if you knew the material that well you would not need the extra points. AN-NOY-ING.

I also was involved in my first major internet smackdown/manhunt. I'll spare you all the details. If you really want to read it, you can check it out here . Now, I love some drama as much as the next person, but if you want to start shit, at least own up to it. That's what got me fired up over the whole thing, the hiding. Shady, that is. I think all we learned from that is that we're assholes and our whole birthboard thinks so apparently. Riiiiight. Nana nana boo boo. I am rubber, you are glue and so on.

Well, now that I've spent a sufficient amount of energy blogging instead of sleeping, I will go to bed and try again. Wish me luck, I'm supposed get my smart on, and that is hard to do when you're lacking sleep.

Where does the time go?

Wow, sorry it's been a while folks, Cheese has been busy! Let's see....I don't have anything extraordinary to report......



All I know is school. I cannot wait for this semester to be over. I am not a mean person by nature, and I really don't want anyone to fail, but I won't be sorry to say goodbye to some of the morons in my class. The shitty part? All the nice people/people I actually like are the ones that are having to drop. Oh, and you have to love that the cheaters are staying too. It makes me ill to think that there are people who worked their asses off and still didn't pass while there are people who skated by because they cheated. It's nauseating. Think about it. These are the dishonest fucks who could be taking care of your mother one day. They're not even worthy of wiping someone's ass. I can hardly stand it.

I have had an anxiety problem for as long as I can remember, but it has started to escalate. I had two anxiety attacks in one of my classes Friday. It was not cool. My heart was racing, my chest got tight, my hands were shaking, and I had this overwhelming sense of impending doom. It's a horrible feeling. The semester break cannot come quickly enough.

I can't believe how fast my baby is growing! 6 months already! I keep feeling like sometime next week I'll be sending him off to college. It breaks my heart and makes me not want to have any more babies. I don't know if I can handle the sadness of seeing them grow up like this.

2 weeks and 1 day before I get a break from this hell. I can't wait to see who will be in 3rd level with us. Maybe it won't be so bad if we lose some of these asshats.

sdjwle2op37e0734##@sdfjlsfpoiplm r

I AM SO FUCKING ANGRY RIGHT NOW AND I DON'T KNOW WHY. I HATE BEING LIKE THIS, I HATE IT. I WANT TO PUT HOLES IN THE WALL, SMASH FACES IN, HURT THINGS. I DON'T WANT TO BE LIKE THIS.

And Cricket saves me........

Fuck you, and your little dog too

It's been one of those days. One of those days where I want to grab a shotgun and take down as many people as possible before the police take me down OR just swan dive off the nearest cliff.

I don't know what it is about today. First of all, I woke up unhappy. That's always a bad sign. And since the day has progessed, nothing has gone the way I wanted it to, people are pissing me off left and right(on the computer and at home), just everything.

It helps me to list things sometimes.

1.I suck at photography. REALLY suck. It finally hit me today. I don't know how I've been fooling myself into thinking that I was actually ok at it, but I'm not. I am seriously contemplating selling my camera. I mean, I could get plenty of great pictures on Auto without any skill on that camera, but just having it will be a constant reminder of something else I've failed at(surprise surprise). So my thought is that just getting rid of the fucking thing will solve that problem. It still makes me sad though.

2.I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE having eczema. I hate it. I feel ugly and freakish all the time, like people are always staring, and most of the time, it's not even that obvious, I'm just paranoid. What is really bothering me about it is the fact that I will never be able to enjoy playing with my children like other moms. I tried today, I really did. Travis, his parents, Maddox, and I went to the park today(this is where the photography FAIL hit me) and I could hardly stand it. You see, ANY kind of sweating makes me itch. It's probably 80-90 degrees out, so you can imagine that I was sweating my ass off. I don't know what it is, but sweating makes my skin go nuts. I don't even know if you can imagine the kind of itching I'm talking about. Maybe bad like chicken pox, if you've had it. All I know is that it's the kind of itching where I want to lay on a bed of sandpaper and roll around. So, back to my point. How will I ever be able to enjoy taking my kids outside and playing with them? I can't, unless they find a cure. It makes me sad because I want to be able to do thingss outside with them, but I can't when it's hot like this. I can't because I don't just itch while I'm sweating, I itch long after, and the itching causes me to have more rashes, which causes more itching, which cause more rashes and makes the current rashes worse. It's a vicious cycle. One more thing about the eczema, it makes me feel ugly. My face is always getting red, blotchy, dry, and peely. I can hardly ever wear makeup because that makes it worse, so I even get punished for trying to cover it up. This problem has worked wonders for my self-esteem.

3.I said this yesterday, but I'm repeating it because it is really bothering me. I am getting more and more paranoid. Of everyone and everything, and I don't know where it's coming from. I wonder if people say bad things about me, that they don't like me, that I'm being ignored, that people are only nice to my face(or computer screen, in some cases), just everything. That bothers the hell out of me. Not only am I normally a person who doesn't give a flying fuck what people think, it sucks to be that suspicious of people. But I am, and instead of going away, it gets worse. I feel like everything is a conspiracy against me, and I don't like it.

4.I am so lonely. All the time. I don't have friends. Well, in all honesty, I have a couple of "school friends", and one friend outside of school, but we never hang out. This is hard for me. I've never been a person to have many friends, but I have always had that one best friend, who was just like me, thought like me, and we did a lot together. Since I've moved here, I haven't had that. Obviously I have Travis, and believe me, I couldn't live without him, but it's not the same as that comraderie you have with a friend. I miss that, need that. I really feel(read: hope) that I do have friends here online, but it's not the same. I can only reach so far out to them when I'm in need. The lonliness is starting to wear me down. I'm also a big hypocrite here because when I start to make a friend, I back away. I am by nature hermit-like. I don't like to go out much, I don't want a social life. So then I shouldn't want friends right? I am a walking paradox.


I think I'm done whining now. It's not even everything that's bothering me, but I feel it is long enough without me adding to it. I don't doubt that no one has even made it this far. If you have, I'm sorry I wasn't funny or witty today. This was just my pathetic cry into cyberspace.

I'm freaking famous!

Yes, famous people! At least in my own mind.

I've been added to at least three blogrolls. That I'm aware of. Cheese is flattered. Very flattered.

Now I want to know what fucking weirdos find me funny or interesting. I'm just kidding, I need your love and attention! I'm needy like that.

I've noticed lately that I'm getting increasingly paranoid. It must be because of those wicked little girls(they are also known as adults) that I go to school with. Yeah, that must be it

This is it people, Cheese is hitting the big leagues. I'm off to hollywood. Maybe I need to practice my California "howdy"?



I really need to go to bed, this page is blurring. Or I could put on my glasses. Yes? No?

Hello, My Name is "Where's the baby?"

When people said that after you had your baby you weren't important anymore, they weren't kidding. At all.

No matter where I go, I am greeted with, not "hi, how are you?", but with "Where's the baby?"

Seriously, that's all the acknowledgement I get? I grew a human, got split wide open to retrieve him, and I don't even get a "hi"? What.the.fuck.

Nobody even calls for me anymore. "How's the baby?" "When are you bringing the baby over to see us?"

I don't ask for much you know, just that people recognize that

1.I'm here, and I do have feelings you asshat

2.You wouldn't even have this fucking kid if it wasn't for me

3.I am in the middle of a horrific semester of nursing school, so a little compassion goes a long way

4.I'm needing less and less of a reason to release my inner psycho bitch lately, so watch out motherfuckers.

I'm just going to ignore people when they fucking ask any of the above questions and refrain from decking someone.

(Please help bail me out of jail when I finally lose it)

Blog,

It has been 13 days since my last confession. Please forgive me, I've been terribly busy. If it is any consolation, I have excelled in school and feel very proud of all my hard work. I know, a 100% on my tests is no excuse to neglect you, but you have to admit, that is kinda neat.

I fear, with the start of new classes, that I may be once again forced to turn away from you, but it is for an important reason, and know that I will once again return.

Dear Fucking Moron,

I'd hate to see the day you were fucking wrong. You won't be so cocky about all the stupid and fucking irresponsible things you do then. I hope people have it in them to actually feel sorry for you then. I don't know if I will.


Love,
Cheese

Remember the chapstick incident?

So, I got home from school today and decided to take a nap. I told Travass to wake me up at 6 or 7.

The Cheese is sleeping very peacefully, when Travass wakes her up. He says "it's 7:20." I immediately leap out of bed and cry "I'm late again?!?!" Travass looks at me, very puzzled for a few seconds, then says "7:20 at night baby."

Oops.

Did I mention that I have been late to school the last two days, so I'm a little on edge about getting up on time.

I'm reeeeeeaaaally losing it.

Idiots, fucking idiots....

I'm surrounded by them.

I hate the idiots of organized religion who feel the need to spew their propoganda into the face of anyone who disagrees with them.

That is all I can say without giving you a 5 page rant.

This is war

So I'm in the bathroom, peeing, and Travass comes in there and asks me something. It goes without saying that I had a smartass reply. This is what I got in response:



I told him there would be payback, at any given time. Hey, shaving cream burns like a bitch!

Sweet sweet revenge:





Maddox thought it was cool too. Or maybe he just wanted to eat it?



And now, ladies and gentlemen, we have a prank war in our house.

This will be ugly.

Nervous breakdown #2 is looming on the horizon

I'm at the end of my rope. For reals. And I'm not the only one. A couple of girls left school in tears today.

I know that I'm smart. I know that people graduate from here all the time.

It still doesn't make me feel any better.

I'm having information thrown at me left and right, and all I feel like saying is "Dude, wait, what?"

I have 5 FUCKING TESTS next week, and there still may be more.

I can't do it. I just can't do it.

The nursing process, head-to-toe assessments, inhibitors, calculating the IV flow rate, pre-op, inhibitors, amphetamines, bioavailability, agonists, antagonists, and where to shave for surgery.

That's just a taste of the shit I "learned" today. Multiply that by about infinity.

Icing on the cake? A few of us got sent out of class and docked an hour because we were QUIETLY helping eachother with math, but the other screaming bitches didn't even get in trouble. That's fucking fair.

Today I am seriously contemplating a job at McDonald's. Just the thought of going back to school next week makes me want to curl in a ball and whimper.

Day 2-Nervous Breakdown #1

I have had a hellish day. I don't even know where to begin.

The day started out normal enough, if not a bit boring.

The days wears on and the bitchy get bitchier and the obnoxious more obnoxious.

We elected class officials today. Only one position was of any interest to me and that was "historian", which in our school is just a glorified picture-taker and bulletin board maker. I don't have time for extracurriclur activities, so I didn't even nominate myself. Some 40-some-odd-year old lady got it. She likes to scrapbook. So, my wheels start turning and I'm thinking of being helpful. I find her after school and ask her what kind of camera she has. Some kind of HP digital thing. So, being the nice person I am, I sweetly offer to bring my camera to take pictures, thinking that I would be able to get better pictures for her(even if she was wielding the camera). She gives me a snotty, condescending reply about how she has a nice camera and goes on about doing the pictures in sepia. Yeah, I have that on my camera too. That's the last time I try to be nice. I guess she thought I was playing the "I'm better than you" game, but I wasn't at all. It seems silly, yes, but you had to have been there.

Ok, back up a bit.

My last class in the afternoon is Pharmacology. This is probably the single most difficult class in the entire program. You'd be hard put to find someone who disagrees.(I might, but I can't be sure yet) Anywho, since starting school way back when, we've heard nothing but bad things about this class and how hard it is. We've all been tweaking out about it ever since. The double whammy in this is that we are taking it in the summer, which means that this holy terror of a class is being shoved up our ass in 7 weeks. 20 of us had minor anxiety attacks in class this afternoon worrying about this class. We just started freaking out about how much work, studying and so on, and most of all, worrying that we'll fail. This is the class that many fail. We're apsolutely terrified.

So this happened, then the scrapbooking she-bitch happened. Add to that stressing all day about the mutliple tests we are already looking at in the next week, homework, and all the self-absorbed, loud-mouthed, sadistic, cruel classmates, and you have a Cheese with a headache and a foul mood.

The school day finally is over. Phew. Not.

I'm finally out of there, but first I have to go to Barnes & Nobles to get a book for school that the school bookstore didn't carry. This part of the trip wasn't unbearable, but it was 100 fucking degrees out. I had to drive all the way across freaking Shreveport to get there. It was most uncomfortable and sweaty. I get to the bookstore, locate and purchase the book without difficulty, and leave. I can finally go get my baby boy! I drive all the way across Shreveport and alllllll the way to Bossier, heading towards Haughton, all on on I-20. I get practically a hop, skip, and a fart from my exit, and BAM! Total and complete traffic standstill. In 100 degree weather. Fuck.that.shit.

At this point I'm trying to frantically call Travis, my mom, anyone because I'm crying, frustrated and have to keep myself from leaping out of my car and into oncoming traffic on the other side of the 20. This day cannot get any worse, right? You'd be wrong.

I finally get my aunt on the phone and she allows me vent, scream, cry, and bitch, all the while giving me encouragement. I lurve that woman. I got it all out and felt marginally better. That's a lot with how my day went today. When I first got her on the phone, I had turned around to go back the other way on the interstate(using that little strip of dirt that cops use to sit and wait for its prey) because I was not going to sit and fry for 3 hours waiting on traffic. I don't even know if there was an accident or anything, just that it was a complete jam. Suddenly I realize that I'm still on I-20 and back in Shreveport. In all my crying and whining, I failed to exit off the interstate. I have another little temper tantrum over this. You can't blame me, it's 100 degrees, I'm thoroughly sick of driving, and I'm already upset. I turn around and head back. I get off the interstate and use another one of the routes to get to daycare. I manage to get behind every slow old fuck that's been born since 1900. I have that kind of luck. Suddenly, yet again, I find that I have passed my turnoff. YET AGAIN, I turn around and get back on track. Finally, I arrive.

I walk to her door, thinking only about how just one smile from my love can make this day better. One thing did go right today. I got smiles, hugs, and big slobbery kisses. This, my friends, is Cheese heaven. My son melts my heart.

That was my day today. I have homework to do and tests to study for, but in the end, Maddox heals all. I'm still tired and crabby, but just looking at him eases most of my tension. He makes me realize that even though having a baby in the middle of college may not be ideal, he was most definitely worth it. Best decision I ever made.

Gonna go me a little more lovin' before I start my school work.

Soothed by slobber and gummy,two-toothed smiles,
Cheese

It has begun

Today was the first day of school. I cried all the way to daycare when I was dropping Mini-Cheese off. I also cried all the way to school. He didn't seem too fazed.

School was a fucking circus. I thought the previous class I had been in was bad. This one takes the cake. My class was full of rude, loudmouthed jackasses, and a few bullies. This one has double.

I have a few friends in there with me though, a small consolation.

The best part? A girl I was in class with last time is in my fucking class again. We had words last fall and it ended in me sneaking off to cry. What kind of bitch fucks with a nice pregnant girl. That bitch does. And she's back.

I also already have homework and a test this week.

I'm going to go nap now and pretend that I don't have to do all this shit again tomorrow.

I have totally lost it

Yesterday I was cleaning up around the house. No big deal. All of a sudden, I feel something slide down my leg under my sweatpants. I immediately start screamning, jumping around, and proceed to tear off my pants. You're thinking there was some massive bug in my pants right? Wrong.

I had forgotten that I had put my chapstick in the waistband of my sweatpants so that I wouldn't lost track of it. The damn thing just slid down my pants.

Yep, I've reached a new kind of special.

Fucking hypocrites

So, as I stated, I drove to MIL's house to see if I could figure out the deal with my internet. On the way home I was driving behind a taxi cab. We get to some rail road tracks and this dude not only stops and looks both ways several times, but also puts his hazard lights on. Now, I'm all for safety on the road, but the idiot then proceeds do 50mph, at least, in a 35mph.

The lesson of the day?

Railroads tracks are not safe, but speeding is.

You know you have an internet problem when....

You spend an hour freaking out because your internet stopped working and then you drive all the way to your MIL's house to see if it's because you didn't pay a bill or something.

I can't even tell you how upset I was. It's sad, I know. But tonight is my last night of sitting up late farting around on the computer. I doubt I'll even have time for this on the weekends because I'll have so much homework and crap for school.

I seriously have a headache from this shit. I need a beer. And apparently a new hobby.

And another story about my trip to MIL's to come.......

Why I hate taking my car.....

Travis: Oh my god, it's touching cotton!

Me:What the hell does that mean?

Travis:You know, it's touching cotton.....

Me:And I still don't know what that means....

Travis:Oh man, that's gonna stink.....

Me:Oh my god, what the fuck? Did whatever smelly thing that crawled up your ass just make its bid for freedom?!?

Travis:That means I gotta crap.

Name a popular Disney characterer.....

Roadrunner!!!!!

Really? Seriously??? What fucking box did you crawl out from under?

I DVR Family Feud everyday(I know you are in awe of how cool I am. Shut up.) and Travis and I were watching one of the episodes tonight. I don't know where the hell they find these people.

Another one was "Name one thing you're glad you only have 1 of" and the answer: A Jump

rope!!

What the fuck are you thinking about during this game that causes you to say jump rope??? I really want to know.

I ordered an external flash for my camera today. I do believe I creamed my pants. *drool*

Only a week and 3 days before I start school. I'm so sad.

Ok one more. "What are things people rent?" Answer: Clothes!! says the intelligent blond woman........

I had a dream....

A really weird dream.

I dreamed that Mars came to visit me. She was smoking(bad Cheese for dreaming that) and then I decided to have a cigarette too. Then we were in my house for a little bit looking at something(I can't remember what) and it was really dark in my house for some reason. That's all I got for that part.

Next, we went to a play that was about reincarnation, karma, and heaven. Joaquin Phoenix ascended into heaven, but we found him in the lobby. Yes, the lobby. It was like a cool magic trick or something. We were in such awe.

I know where the "reincarnation, karma, and heaven" part comes from. I've been in and out of a debate type thread on the BHB for a few days, so that explains that. That does not, however, explain Joaquin Phoenix. I'm a fan, think he's sexy, but he was not on my mind lately. I don't get it.

I registered for school today(well, yesterday now), so it's pretty final. All I have to do is pay for it. I'm still feeling unhappy about leaving my baby, but the summer semester is only weeks long and we get a nice break before fall. No clinicals in the summer either.

No clinicals=Cheese not wiping old people butts=yay.

My car broke down today(yesterday, whatever) in the middle of the busiest street int he city in the middle of the worst traffic of the day. Can you say panic attack? I can say Xanax. Some nice men helped me push the car out of the street. My FIL had to come get us because the fucking thing wouldn't start. It was 90 fucking degrees and I was sweatin' like a whore in church. My poor baby got all red-faced too. We survived though.

Ahh, my spawn calls.

Random thoughts for the day

• I made dinner and dessert today. The pork chops were undercooked(they were REALLY thick, so it wasn't my fault), I only burned 3 of the cupcakes I made, and no one threw up. There is hope for me after all.
• Apparently I cannot go to bed before 4am, unless I am drugged, and even then there's no guarantee.
• Whoever invented that stupid fucking dancing hamster song needs to be shot. *Dee da dee da dee da do do, dee da dee dee do!*
• Sunflower seeds are crack. I've said this before, but I'm saying it again, just to be clear. Pure crack.
• I really really really have to pee, but I am just not getting up right now.
• I have eczema, so I scratch a lot. When I'm out in public, I often wonder if people are silently wondering if I'm a drug addict in need of a fix(you know how they do that scratching thing). I can assure you I am not.
• I'm so addicted to BBC it's not funny. I have a problem.
• I have an irrational fear of zombies. No, actually, I have a full-blown phobia. Just the thought makes me want to blow my head off. Really.
• Powdered donuts-another form of Cheese crack.
• Let's add Dr. Pepper to the crack list while I'm thinking about it.
• If I misspell one more fucking word I'm going to scream. It's all I can do to type a coherent sentence.
• I really REALLY don't want to go back to school. Not because I'm lazy(well, a little because of that), but because I'm dying over the fact that I'll have to leave my baby. This is killing me, but I want something to fall back on if something happened to Travis.
• I don't understand why the fucking spaces in between the paragraphs of some of my posts keep disappearing. It's pissing me off.
• At some point today I threatened to shove a pork chop up Travis's ass and now I can't remember why. You'd think I would.
• I finished the closet!! If you don't know what I'm talking about, you'll have to read my other posts. It's my way of sucking you in.
• ER has the worst season finales. I've never seen any other show with cliffhangers this bad. Just more piss in my cheerios.
• *Dee da dee da dee da do do, dee da dee dee do!* (Make it go away!!)
• It makes me sad to see that people read this but don't comment. What do you people want from me? I'm not amusing enough? I can't do any better without feedback, so cough up the comments already!
• My mom thinks I'm really funny. *sigh* She's probably the only one.
• I still haven't peed. I should go do that while I still have functioning kidneys.

I love lolcats!

And now muskrats!

Seriously, if you don't know what an lolcat is, you need to go here

They are the best things ever.

I have been sick the last two days and now I'm getting paranoid that I'm pregnant. I really don't think I am, but it is *possible*. Last night I puked my guts up(and in three different places), and today I've been queasy all day and completely exhausted. I'm really hoping it's just a bug. I also only have a couple weeks before school starts (sigh), so I really don't want to spend any of this valuable time sick.

I think I've come up with a good plan to teach people to follow my directions concerning my child. An airhorn. Yes, an airhorn. For instance, when I say not to feed Mini-Cheese something and you proceed to try to feed it to him anyway, I'll blow an airhorn right in your ear. Not only is it extremely annoying, loud, and will damage your hearing, I think it'll get my point across when I say no. Good idea, yes? Well, I still say it's better than me punching you in the eye.

I've discovered something. The BHB scares the hell out of me. Really, it does. I rarely post there, and when I do, I read my post 500 times and spell check it ten times for fear of being skinned alive for grammar/spelling errors or offending someone. Seriously, you say one bad thing and 234325939 people gang up on you. It's very discouraging. And now every.single.time someone posts, they are immediately called a troll. It's starting to get ridiculous. I'd be scared to post there if I had serious problem.(Not that I'm the type of person who takes something personal to 500 strangers anyway)

Do you remember the closet I was bitching about? It's still not cleaned out and there's still shit in front of it. I really know how to see a project through to the end.

One more thing and I'm going to bed: Sunflower seeds are crack.

How's that for a bunch of shit you didn't care to know!

Chew on that!

So in all the panic excitement of going back to school, I forgot to tell you that my baby is getting his teeth!

I am heartbroken.

I'm supposed to be excited about all the milestones, and I am, but at the same time it really makes me sad that my baby is growing so fast! Both of his bottom teeth have just started cutting, and so far he's taking it well. A lot better than I was expecting to be honest. I always heard teething was hell, but so far it hasn't been terrible, just a little bit of a temp and a little fussiness. Next thing I know I'll be taking him to his first day of school. *sob*

Just don't start chewing on my tits if you wanna eat, kid.

Go to bed Cheese, go to bed.

To go or not to go

It's a big fucking question

I just checked my voicemail a little while ago and found that I had a message from school. For the uninformed, I am in nursing school, but chose to sit out a semester to have my Mini-Cheese. Best decision I've ever made. Well, I had to be put on a waiting list to get back into 2nd level clinicals. When I put my name down, the list was long. The earliest I could get back in was this summer, and the latest was January 09. In all honesty, because of the length of the list, it was assumed that I wouldn't get in until 2009(even the admins thought this). So, I told myself that I could hope for summer, but realize that it was a slim chance. I had my M-C, and I've been loving being home with him. Getting this phone call was a rude awakening. In my mind I had already adjusted to the fact that I would not get back into school until next year. That call just slapped me in the face big time. Now I'm in a big fucking panic! I don't know if I'm ready yet or not! Not only that, but I don't even know if we could come up with the money. That's going to be a big deciding factor. Oh man, I'm having a huge anxiety attack right now. I don't know what the fuck to do. Ugh, I need Travis to get home so that we can talk about this.

Now that the option is there, I'm just freaking out about going back. I don't know if I can leave my baby! On the flip side, it would be silly for me to pass up the unexpected opportunity to finish school earlier than I though! I'd be graduating next May! That's exciting, but I'm freaking out that I'm going to miss so much with M-C. On the other hand, even though I'll spend days in school, I'll have weekends off, holidays off, and it's only 8 hours a day

.

My head feels like it's going to fucking explode.

I don't know who, if anyone, reads this, but if you do, please please PLEASE give me your .02!!!

I'm not a freak!

Ok, I am a freak, but I just found out that I'm a little less freaky than I thought.(Does that make sense? No? It's ok, I understand it, I alone speak Cheeseish)

ANYWAY

So for the past few years(I can't accurately tell you how many, but it's been a few), I've gotten these yellowish-whitish chunks of nasty out of my tonsils. They look gross and smell even worse. I really thought I was a total freak and was even starting to wonder if had cancer or some crazy shit. It turns out that I have Chronic Cryptic Tonsillitis. You can read about it here . Or just google it. Whatever.



The bad news is that it's still some nasty ass shit. Fortunately, I do not have the bad breath that a lot of people get with this(I made Travis check, and no one is backing away from me in horror when I speak). Actually, my breath might stink right now because of it, but that's only because I actually have tonsilitis right now, so that doesn't count(remember, infection smells!). This makes me really want to get my tonsils out. Really.



So people, comment and tell me about your nasty, smelly tonsil chunks. Let the Cheese feel a little less freakish.

Please tell me what the fuck I was thinking

So, it's somewhere around 3am and I'm scanning the bargain board, when I come across this thread OT-Online pranks that scare the high holy heck out of you.. and of course, me being the prankster that I am, click on it. In the first post is a link to one of these pranks. Already the wheels are turning. I have this brilliant stupid idea to get Travis with this, so I take my laptop into the bathroom to try this prank for myself, and I intended to then take the computer to Travis and get him to try it, thus scaring the shit out of him. It was a good idea in theory. I'm in said bathroom trying this out and when I get to the "prank" part of the prank, I scream bloody murder and then start laughing hysterically. Of course Travis comes running wanting to know what the fuck was wrong with me. It took another five minutes for me to stop laughing and catch my breath. We went back into the living room and I got him to do it. It didn't scare him so much since he knew it was coming, but still funny nevertheless. If nothing else, we got a good laugh out of it.

Note to self-Next time you try to prank someone, do not try it yourself first.


Dumbass.

Fuck you lady!

I think if Maddox could talk, that's what he would've said to the nurse today when she gave him his shots(yes I vaccinate, EGAD!). He had a delayed reaction with the first shot. She stuck him, and he got real still and got this weird look on his face. Then he suddenly busts out with the hollering(you bitch, you stabbed me!). That was the only funny part. I do not enjoy watching him be poked. I also found out the he is 16lbs 6oz and 26in. He'll outgrow me by the time he's 5. All that matters is he's happy right?

I still haven't finished cleaning that closet. It also now looks like a bomb went off in my living room. I did get out of my pajamas today though. One step at a time, Cheese. We'll get there.

Now what are the odds that I'll get to bed before 4am?

Procrastination is like Masturbation...

In the end you're only fucking yourself.

I've been trying to "spring clean" the house for about a fucking week or so now. It's getting ridiculous. I've half-assed cleaned out the front closet, but there's still shit sitting in front of it waiting to be gone through and shelves that still need to be cleared out. I keep saying "I'll do it tonight", but yet it still needs to be done. I shouldn't be too hard on myself, the house is mostly clean and I've finished all but a couple of loads of laundry. What bothers me about it is that I'm the fucking queen of clutter. Even as a kid I would keep the stupidest things. When I got pregnant, I went through house and purged, purged, purged. I was sooooo proud of myself for it and I did really well, but here I am months later and I still have too much crap. My gift to myself for all this cleaning is that when I finally have the guest room/computer room cleaned out, I'll have a place to set up my photography stuff. That room has all the light.

Maddox has decided that it is now a good time to start fighting sleep at bedtime. I don't know what the problem is. He takes naps just fine during the day, and once he's asleep at night he sleeps great. It's getting him to sleep at night that's the problem. I can't bitch too much because I've had almost 4 months of no trouble from him. I can't believe I just typed that! My baby is almost 4 months old! This makes me sad. Ugh, before I know it he'll be raging shithead in the middle of puberty. Cherish these moments, girl.

This is the part where I say I'm going to bed, but I don't actually go to bed for another hour or two because I'm an asshat.

I'm Betty Crocker, bitch!

I made brownies tonight. I couldn't tell you the last time I baked anything, it's been that long. They came out ok, but not great. Not that I care because my fat ass will eat them anyway. I never cared for choclate until I got pregnant, and now I want it all the time. Next time I'm making Angel Food cake.

Now, to figure out how to weasel into getting the flash I want for Mother's Day.....

*eats more brownie*

Puttin' on ma big girl panties

I just checked my account and found that I have received my stimulus check. I got $373. I was stupid enough to just assume that I'd get the full $600. I pouted for a minute, then realized that this is "free" money and that I shouldn't pout over the amount, just be grateful that I got any, even if it's not what I expected. I did it! I put on my big girl panties!

Though this may change what I was going to do with it.

That's what I get for not checking the IRS calculator thingy.

Just call me Titty McBoob

Because that is all I am now. I really wonder if when M looks at me all he sees is a giant boob. It's ok kid, I love yas anyway.

Natalie and I looked at wedding dresses today(for her, I have mine already). We found a couple she liked, but she has now decided that she doesn't want one. I can't blame her, the things are expensive and you only wear it once, and no one seems to care what she likes. I got lucky and pretty much zoned in on the one I wanted as soon as I walked into the store when I was shopping for mine. I love it, but I still kinda just want to go to the JOTP and just get it over with. I really have no interest in weddings, period.

Tonight was the last night of my bowling league(well, last night now). I did pretty well (85, 135, and 171) and didn't have to take the rope home(if you don't know what the "rope" is, don't ask because I don't really understand it and would never be able to explain it to you). I won't see my favorite old men again until fall(except Pappaw). I'm definitely bowling no no-tap this summer, but I'm hoping to do the couples league too. I'm pretty sure I've talked T into it. I think we need something fun to do together.

They're letting a lot more people on NBBC now, and a lot of people don't like it. I don't dislike it, but I much prefer the simplicity of the OBBC. What irks me is all the whining. It's happening people! The best you can do is familiarize yourself with the new one, or leave BBC altogether. It's really that simple. I'm not saying that you can't say you don't like it, but the constant bitching gets old. Oh, apparently someone has the bright idea to buy the OBBC software and start up a board using it. Let me know how that goes for ya.

Well, it's after 3am, so I will be paying for this tomorrow when my kid is wailing in my ear and I haven't had enough sleep.

Rock-rolling 101

1.It helps if you do not throw your ball in the gutter. You actually want to knock down pins. Easy concept.

2.If you are over 70 and still bowling, be very careful, no one wants to see you break a hip. (Yes Pappaw, I'm talking to you)

3.Happy Gilmore was a very funny movie, but no one wants to see you cuss and throw your ball across the bowling alley(unless you're me, I'd think it was hilarious). Also, pouting like a 5 year old is not attractive. You fucked up, correct what you did wrong, get over it, and move on.

(I will admit that I have been guilty of #3 many times, but it's a whole lot less funny when it's a 45 year old man)

5.You do not get to pout that you did not get a strike. Unless you're one of the top bowlers in the PBA, you fuck up just like the rest of us. Get over yourself.

6.Unless you are a top bowler in the PBA, have been doing this for 20+ years etc, you do not get to tell me how I should bowl. Really, it's annoying.

7.If I get a strike/spare, I do not need a giant pat on the back as though this is a once in a lifetime occurance. Contrary to your beliefs, I'm actually ok at bowling. Jackass.

8.If I am pouting/angry about the way I am bowling, please shut the hell up. I know it's just a game and has no real bearing on my life, but just the same, it bothers me. You telling me it's no big deal only pisses me off more.

9.If you act like you are the king/queen of bowling it's only natural that I will laugh at you when you fuck up. Nobody likes the jackass that acts like they're god's gift to bowling.

10. (This one is for you Pappaw) Please please PLEASE stop telling me to "quit dropping that ball" when I bowl. First, I have no fucking idea what that means. Second, I'm already unhappy that I fucked up, you pointing out that I fucked up only upsets me more. I still love you though.

Cats are bad....

Bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad

Say it with me now:

Cats are bad!

We just finished pulling up the tile in the kitchen and now it reeks of cat piss. I admit to having somewhere around 9 cats in this house at one point in time, so I did bring this on myself. But to think that at one point my whole fucking house smelled like this makes me want to vomit! BLECH!!! I will never never never have a cat in my house again (at least until my little boy looks at me with his big ol' eyes and begs. I'm weak, I know).

I know my cats had accidents, but I didn't know they made the kitchen floor their personal piss pot.

Lesson learned.

*shudder*

Can infants be bipolar?

My son this evening:

"giggle giggle" Waaaaaaaaaaaah" "Ha ha ha" "Waaaaaaaaaaah" "Hee hee hee" "Waaaaaaaaaaah"

Then: "Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah" for about 45 more minutes, then finally baby coma.

It's obvious the kid has issues.

In other news, there was a lovely debate on the BHB about the shooting in NY.
http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/04/25/sean.bell.trial/index.html Here's one of many articles.

I can honestly see the both sides of this. My final judgement on this is that it was bad judgement on both sides. And since all the evidence at this point is "he said she said", I think the right decision was made by the judge. You can't convict anyone without conclusive evidence, and here there is none.

That being said, my fiance is a police officer and if he ever perceives any kind of threat to his life, I want him to do anything and everything to come home to me and my son. I think the scariest stories of police getting killed are the ones where the cop makes a routine traffic stop, walks up to the vehicle, and then proceeds to have their head blown off. So, if my man can see the threat coming, by god, he better defend himself.

And that's all I have to say about that.

All the cool kids are doing it.....

And now Cheese is too! I gave in and finally got myself a blog. Will I keep up with it? No promises, but I hope so! Of course, this is the same person who would dig up her diary every 3 years, write an entry or two, and then lose it again for another 3 years. Only time will tell right? Now, I almost certainly will not be cool enough to have 500 people religiously check my blog, but then again, when it comes to writing, I'm not always so witty and eloquent. I'm much better in real life. Except for the blog thing on myspace, I've never really tried one of these things. I was always fearful of having a diary when I was young. You're supposed to be able to write your secrets, talk about whoever you want, but at the end of the day, I was still never completely honest for fear of someone finding it and reading what I wrote. I'm going to promise myself now that if I keep up with this thing, I'll always try to be honest about everything and the way I feel, and if someone reads this that should be offended, oh well then.

Ugh, now I have to go about the task of making this fucking thing pretty. It took me months just to put a background on my fucking myspace, so you can only imagine how long this will take.