To go or not to go

It's a big fucking question

I just checked my voicemail a little while ago and found that I had a message from school. For the uninformed, I am in nursing school, but chose to sit out a semester to have my Mini-Cheese. Best decision I've ever made. Well, I had to be put on a waiting list to get back into 2nd level clinicals. When I put my name down, the list was long. The earliest I could get back in was this summer, and the latest was January 09. In all honesty, because of the length of the list, it was assumed that I wouldn't get in until 2009(even the admins thought this). So, I told myself that I could hope for summer, but realize that it was a slim chance. I had my M-C, and I've been loving being home with him. Getting this phone call was a rude awakening. In my mind I had already adjusted to the fact that I would not get back into school until next year. That call just slapped me in the face big time. Now I'm in a big fucking panic! I don't know if I'm ready yet or not! Not only that, but I don't even know if we could come up with the money. That's going to be a big deciding factor. Oh man, I'm having a huge anxiety attack right now. I don't know what the fuck to do. Ugh, I need Travis to get home so that we can talk about this.

Now that the option is there, I'm just freaking out about going back. I don't know if I can leave my baby! On the flip side, it would be silly for me to pass up the unexpected opportunity to finish school earlier than I though! I'd be graduating next May! That's exciting, but I'm freaking out that I'm going to miss so much with M-C. On the other hand, even though I'll spend days in school, I'll have weekends off, holidays off, and it's only 8 hours a day

.

My head feels like it's going to fucking explode.

I don't know who, if anyone, reads this, but if you do, please please PLEASE give me your .02!!!