Fucking hypocrites

So, as I stated, I drove to MIL's house to see if I could figure out the deal with my internet. On the way home I was driving behind a taxi cab. We get to some rail road tracks and this dude not only stops and looks both ways several times, but also puts his hazard lights on. Now, I'm all for safety on the road, but the idiot then proceeds do 50mph, at least, in a 35mph.

The lesson of the day?

Railroads tracks are not safe, but speeding is.

You know you have an internet problem when....

You spend an hour freaking out because your internet stopped working and then you drive all the way to your MIL's house to see if it's because you didn't pay a bill or something.

I can't even tell you how upset I was. It's sad, I know. But tonight is my last night of sitting up late farting around on the computer. I doubt I'll even have time for this on the weekends because I'll have so much homework and crap for school.

I seriously have a headache from this shit. I need a beer. And apparently a new hobby.

And another story about my trip to MIL's to come.......

Why I hate taking my car.....

Travis: Oh my god, it's touching cotton!

Me:What the hell does that mean?

Travis:You know, it's touching cotton.....

Me:And I still don't know what that means....

Travis:Oh man, that's gonna stink.....

Me:Oh my god, what the fuck? Did whatever smelly thing that crawled up your ass just make its bid for freedom?!?

Travis:That means I gotta crap.

Name a popular Disney characterer.....

Roadrunner!!!!!

Really? Seriously??? What fucking box did you crawl out from under?

I DVR Family Feud everyday(I know you are in awe of how cool I am. Shut up.) and Travis and I were watching one of the episodes tonight. I don't know where the hell they find these people.

Another one was "Name one thing you're glad you only have 1 of" and the answer: A Jump

rope!!

What the fuck are you thinking about during this game that causes you to say jump rope??? I really want to know.

I ordered an external flash for my camera today. I do believe I creamed my pants. *drool*

Only a week and 3 days before I start school. I'm so sad.

Ok one more. "What are things people rent?" Answer: Clothes!! says the intelligent blond woman........

I had a dream....

A really weird dream.

I dreamed that Mars came to visit me. She was smoking(bad Cheese for dreaming that) and then I decided to have a cigarette too. Then we were in my house for a little bit looking at something(I can't remember what) and it was really dark in my house for some reason. That's all I got for that part.

Next, we went to a play that was about reincarnation, karma, and heaven. Joaquin Phoenix ascended into heaven, but we found him in the lobby. Yes, the lobby. It was like a cool magic trick or something. We were in such awe.

I know where the "reincarnation, karma, and heaven" part comes from. I've been in and out of a debate type thread on the BHB for a few days, so that explains that. That does not, however, explain Joaquin Phoenix. I'm a fan, think he's sexy, but he was not on my mind lately. I don't get it.

I registered for school today(well, yesterday now), so it's pretty final. All I have to do is pay for it. I'm still feeling unhappy about leaving my baby, but the summer semester is only weeks long and we get a nice break before fall. No clinicals in the summer either.

No clinicals=Cheese not wiping old people butts=yay.

My car broke down today(yesterday, whatever) in the middle of the busiest street int he city in the middle of the worst traffic of the day. Can you say panic attack? I can say Xanax. Some nice men helped me push the car out of the street. My FIL had to come get us because the fucking thing wouldn't start. It was 90 fucking degrees and I was sweatin' like a whore in church. My poor baby got all red-faced too. We survived though.

Ahh, my spawn calls.

Random thoughts for the day

• I made dinner and dessert today. The pork chops were undercooked(they were REALLY thick, so it wasn't my fault), I only burned 3 of the cupcakes I made, and no one threw up. There is hope for me after all.
• Apparently I cannot go to bed before 4am, unless I am drugged, and even then there's no guarantee.
• Whoever invented that stupid fucking dancing hamster song needs to be shot. *Dee da dee da dee da do do, dee da dee dee do!*
• Sunflower seeds are crack. I've said this before, but I'm saying it again, just to be clear. Pure crack.
• I really really really have to pee, but I am just not getting up right now.
• I have eczema, so I scratch a lot. When I'm out in public, I often wonder if people are silently wondering if I'm a drug addict in need of a fix(you know how they do that scratching thing). I can assure you I am not.
• I'm so addicted to BBC it's not funny. I have a problem.
• I have an irrational fear of zombies. No, actually, I have a full-blown phobia. Just the thought makes me want to blow my head off. Really.
• Powdered donuts-another form of Cheese crack.
• Let's add Dr. Pepper to the crack list while I'm thinking about it.
• If I misspell one more fucking word I'm going to scream. It's all I can do to type a coherent sentence.
• I really REALLY don't want to go back to school. Not because I'm lazy(well, a little because of that), but because I'm dying over the fact that I'll have to leave my baby. This is killing me, but I want something to fall back on if something happened to Travis.
• I don't understand why the fucking spaces in between the paragraphs of some of my posts keep disappearing. It's pissing me off.
• At some point today I threatened to shove a pork chop up Travis's ass and now I can't remember why. You'd think I would.
• I finished the closet!! If you don't know what I'm talking about, you'll have to read my other posts. It's my way of sucking you in.
• ER has the worst season finales. I've never seen any other show with cliffhangers this bad. Just more piss in my cheerios.
• *Dee da dee da dee da do do, dee da dee dee do!* (Make it go away!!)
• It makes me sad to see that people read this but don't comment. What do you people want from me? I'm not amusing enough? I can't do any better without feedback, so cough up the comments already!
• My mom thinks I'm really funny. *sigh* She's probably the only one.
• I still haven't peed. I should go do that while I still have functioning kidneys.

I love lolcats!

And now muskrats!

Seriously, if you don't know what an lolcat is, you need to go here

They are the best things ever.

I have been sick the last two days and now I'm getting paranoid that I'm pregnant. I really don't think I am, but it is *possible*. Last night I puked my guts up(and in three different places), and today I've been queasy all day and completely exhausted. I'm really hoping it's just a bug. I also only have a couple weeks before school starts (sigh), so I really don't want to spend any of this valuable time sick.

I think I've come up with a good plan to teach people to follow my directions concerning my child. An airhorn. Yes, an airhorn. For instance, when I say not to feed Mini-Cheese something and you proceed to try to feed it to him anyway, I'll blow an airhorn right in your ear. Not only is it extremely annoying, loud, and will damage your hearing, I think it'll get my point across when I say no. Good idea, yes? Well, I still say it's better than me punching you in the eye.

I've discovered something. The BHB scares the hell out of me. Really, it does. I rarely post there, and when I do, I read my post 500 times and spell check it ten times for fear of being skinned alive for grammar/spelling errors or offending someone. Seriously, you say one bad thing and 234325939 people gang up on you. It's very discouraging. And now every.single.time someone posts, they are immediately called a troll. It's starting to get ridiculous. I'd be scared to post there if I had serious problem.(Not that I'm the type of person who takes something personal to 500 strangers anyway)

Do you remember the closet I was bitching about? It's still not cleaned out and there's still shit in front of it. I really know how to see a project through to the end.

One more thing and I'm going to bed: Sunflower seeds are crack.

How's that for a bunch of shit you didn't care to know!

Chew on that!

So in all the panic excitement of going back to school, I forgot to tell you that my baby is getting his teeth!

I am heartbroken.

I'm supposed to be excited about all the milestones, and I am, but at the same time it really makes me sad that my baby is growing so fast! Both of his bottom teeth have just started cutting, and so far he's taking it well. A lot better than I was expecting to be honest. I always heard teething was hell, but so far it hasn't been terrible, just a little bit of a temp and a little fussiness. Next thing I know I'll be taking him to his first day of school. *sob*

Just don't start chewing on my tits if you wanna eat, kid.

Go to bed Cheese, go to bed.

To go or not to go

It's a big fucking question

I just checked my voicemail a little while ago and found that I had a message from school. For the uninformed, I am in nursing school, but chose to sit out a semester to have my Mini-Cheese. Best decision I've ever made. Well, I had to be put on a waiting list to get back into 2nd level clinicals. When I put my name down, the list was long. The earliest I could get back in was this summer, and the latest was January 09. In all honesty, because of the length of the list, it was assumed that I wouldn't get in until 2009(even the admins thought this). So, I told myself that I could hope for summer, but realize that it was a slim chance. I had my M-C, and I've been loving being home with him. Getting this phone call was a rude awakening. In my mind I had already adjusted to the fact that I would not get back into school until next year. That call just slapped me in the face big time. Now I'm in a big fucking panic! I don't know if I'm ready yet or not! Not only that, but I don't even know if we could come up with the money. That's going to be a big deciding factor. Oh man, I'm having a huge anxiety attack right now. I don't know what the fuck to do. Ugh, I need Travis to get home so that we can talk about this.

Now that the option is there, I'm just freaking out about going back. I don't know if I can leave my baby! On the flip side, it would be silly for me to pass up the unexpected opportunity to finish school earlier than I though! I'd be graduating next May! That's exciting, but I'm freaking out that I'm going to miss so much with M-C. On the other hand, even though I'll spend days in school, I'll have weekends off, holidays off, and it's only 8 hours a day

.

My head feels like it's going to fucking explode.

I don't know who, if anyone, reads this, but if you do, please please PLEASE give me your .02!!!

I'm not a freak!

Ok, I am a freak, but I just found out that I'm a little less freaky than I thought.(Does that make sense? No? It's ok, I understand it, I alone speak Cheeseish)

ANYWAY

So for the past few years(I can't accurately tell you how many, but it's been a few), I've gotten these yellowish-whitish chunks of nasty out of my tonsils. They look gross and smell even worse. I really thought I was a total freak and was even starting to wonder if had cancer or some crazy shit. It turns out that I have Chronic Cryptic Tonsillitis. You can read about it here . Or just google it. Whatever.



The bad news is that it's still some nasty ass shit. Fortunately, I do not have the bad breath that a lot of people get with this(I made Travis check, and no one is backing away from me in horror when I speak). Actually, my breath might stink right now because of it, but that's only because I actually have tonsilitis right now, so that doesn't count(remember, infection smells!). This makes me really want to get my tonsils out. Really.



So people, comment and tell me about your nasty, smelly tonsil chunks. Let the Cheese feel a little less freakish.

Please tell me what the fuck I was thinking

So, it's somewhere around 3am and I'm scanning the bargain board, when I come across this thread OT-Online pranks that scare the high holy heck out of you.. and of course, me being the prankster that I am, click on it. In the first post is a link to one of these pranks. Already the wheels are turning. I have this brilliant stupid idea to get Travis with this, so I take my laptop into the bathroom to try this prank for myself, and I intended to then take the computer to Travis and get him to try it, thus scaring the shit out of him. It was a good idea in theory. I'm in said bathroom trying this out and when I get to the "prank" part of the prank, I scream bloody murder and then start laughing hysterically. Of course Travis comes running wanting to know what the fuck was wrong with me. It took another five minutes for me to stop laughing and catch my breath. We went back into the living room and I got him to do it. It didn't scare him so much since he knew it was coming, but still funny nevertheless. If nothing else, we got a good laugh out of it.

Note to self-Next time you try to prank someone, do not try it yourself first.


Dumbass.

Fuck you lady!

I think if Maddox could talk, that's what he would've said to the nurse today when she gave him his shots(yes I vaccinate, EGAD!). He had a delayed reaction with the first shot. She stuck him, and he got real still and got this weird look on his face. Then he suddenly busts out with the hollering(you bitch, you stabbed me!). That was the only funny part. I do not enjoy watching him be poked. I also found out the he is 16lbs 6oz and 26in. He'll outgrow me by the time he's 5. All that matters is he's happy right?

I still haven't finished cleaning that closet. It also now looks like a bomb went off in my living room. I did get out of my pajamas today though. One step at a time, Cheese. We'll get there.

Now what are the odds that I'll get to bed before 4am?

Procrastination is like Masturbation...

In the end you're only fucking yourself.

I've been trying to "spring clean" the house for about a fucking week or so now. It's getting ridiculous. I've half-assed cleaned out the front closet, but there's still shit sitting in front of it waiting to be gone through and shelves that still need to be cleared out. I keep saying "I'll do it tonight", but yet it still needs to be done. I shouldn't be too hard on myself, the house is mostly clean and I've finished all but a couple of loads of laundry. What bothers me about it is that I'm the fucking queen of clutter. Even as a kid I would keep the stupidest things. When I got pregnant, I went through house and purged, purged, purged. I was sooooo proud of myself for it and I did really well, but here I am months later and I still have too much crap. My gift to myself for all this cleaning is that when I finally have the guest room/computer room cleaned out, I'll have a place to set up my photography stuff. That room has all the light.

Maddox has decided that it is now a good time to start fighting sleep at bedtime. I don't know what the problem is. He takes naps just fine during the day, and once he's asleep at night he sleeps great. It's getting him to sleep at night that's the problem. I can't bitch too much because I've had almost 4 months of no trouble from him. I can't believe I just typed that! My baby is almost 4 months old! This makes me sad. Ugh, before I know it he'll be raging shithead in the middle of puberty. Cherish these moments, girl.

This is the part where I say I'm going to bed, but I don't actually go to bed for another hour or two because I'm an asshat.

I'm Betty Crocker, bitch!

I made brownies tonight. I couldn't tell you the last time I baked anything, it's been that long. They came out ok, but not great. Not that I care because my fat ass will eat them anyway. I never cared for choclate until I got pregnant, and now I want it all the time. Next time I'm making Angel Food cake.

Now, to figure out how to weasel into getting the flash I want for Mother's Day.....

*eats more brownie*

Puttin' on ma big girl panties

I just checked my account and found that I have received my stimulus check. I got $373. I was stupid enough to just assume that I'd get the full $600. I pouted for a minute, then realized that this is "free" money and that I shouldn't pout over the amount, just be grateful that I got any, even if it's not what I expected. I did it! I put on my big girl panties!

Though this may change what I was going to do with it.

That's what I get for not checking the IRS calculator thingy.