Day 14

Day 14
Originally uploaded by Echoes of Life

School starts tomorrow. Boo. I'm already up way later than I should be and I don't wanna go! Too bad I have to. At least I get to see who failed last semester. That sounds mean, but you don't my psycho classmates.

We'll see how it goes. I hope it's better than what I feel like it will be.

Day 11-13

One more day of freedom and it's back to school. I don't know whether to cry or laugh. I'm not ready to leave my baby again, but at the same time I'm ready for some adult(though I use this term loosely in regards to my classmates) interaction. I'm dreading going back to having no time for anything. It makes me feel so guilty not being able to spend the time I want with my son. That's the worst part, then add to that not having time to practice photography or do much else, and you get a miserable Cheese. I'm just hoping that since I'll actually be in clincals doing more than reading a book and listening to a boring teacher, I'll be more interested and not feel so bored with it all. I need some kind of interest in nursing sparked again. I don't want to spend the rest of my semesters in school feeling like I'm wasting my time. I just so look forward to taking photography classes next year, it's going to be so wonderful. My aunt might take some with me, so I'll have a buddy, but even if she doesn't, I'm really hoping to make a friend or two. I need friends so badly. I'm thoroughly sick of being so lonely.

Thursday night Travis, Maddox, and I went and drove around town for a little bit so I could take some pictures. I had a blast and felt so good to go out and photograph something that wasn't in my own yard. Good inspiration. Haven't done much else this weekend. Enjoying my son, watching movies with Travis, and playing on the internetz. Tonight(or last night rather), Maddox and I drove around with Jamie for a little while, though we didn't stay out long. Now I'm about to go to bed, enjoy sleeping in for the last time in a while(I know I'll have weekends, but when you get used to getting up early every day, it's hard to sleep in).

I just hope my teachers don't bust a nut about my hair color. I don't think it's too out there.

Day 10

Day 10
Originally uploaded by Echoes of Life

I finally registered for school today. As a reward for my massive procrastination, I got to sit there for about 6 hours. It's ridiculous how unorganized the school is. The worst part is that they've been doing this multiple times a year for years. You'd think they'd have come up with a fucking system by now. Oh hell no, they thrive on mass chaos. I'm so so not ready to go back on Monday. I'm sure the semester itself will go by fast, but the days themselves will drag. This semester ending also means that my son will be turning one, so getting to end of this semester will be bittersweet. It's unbelievable how fast it all goes. Depressing. At least I'll be on break so he can have a little party and I can do his cake smash pictures. I am so excited to do those. Just gotta get some white seamless first. I'm debating a new flash or lens too. Decisions, decisions.

Day 9

Day 9
Originally uploaded by Echoes of Life

So after feeling so blah and depressed last night, I decided to change things up and dye my hair. It's supposed to be brown with a purple/reddish hue. I think it looks good. Not exactly what I had been looking for, but it was nice because it was something different. I feel better today. Still blah, but at least not depressed.

I have to go register for school in about 5 hours. I don't wanna. I really don't. Aside from the fact that I'm enjoying being home with my son, my heart is just so not in nursing. I keep saying that, but it doesn't matter. I know I'll get my groove back once school starts, and also, if I just finish nursing school, I can pursue photography to my heart's content. I may have said this already, but it's comforting. That way, if starting a photography business one day didn't work out, I wouldn't be fucked. I think more than anything right now I just don't feel like being back in school already and I'm worried about who is still in our class. It's awful, but I'm really hoping we lost a few of the bad apples. I know we've already lost some of the nicest people in our class.

Meh.

Day 8

Day 8
Originally uploaded by Echoes of Life

This has been a bad day for me. Depression decided to knock me flat on my ass. I'm feeling so discouraged, sad, lonely, and uninspired. Enough for me to take my meds again. Not a happy Cheese at all. I'm hoping this is just a bad day and that's all. I really hate feeling like this. The worst part is that I felt so great and happy last night. I cared. Now I just feel like it's all pointless.

I seriously hope that it's just today.

And I dyed my hair. I had to do something to perk myself up.

Day 7

Day 7
Originally uploaded by Echoes of Life

I am so tired today. So so tired. Mr. Maddox decided that he did not want to go to bed until after 2am last night. He's NEVER been up that late before. Then, Travass and I stayed up late watching TV, then I stayed up even later editing. These freaking wedding pictures are neverending. I should be proud that I got so many usable pictures, but shit, it's a lot to edit! So I didn't get to bed until like 7 probably. The kicker is that I had to babysit today. If I didn't have to babysit I would have been able to sleep in because Maddox would sleep in since he was up so late. Instead, I got to drag my ass out of bed totally unwillingly and go babysit. At least the kids were good and it was only for a couple of hours. I just wanted to sleep so badly!

I've been in a funk lately and I really think it's time I pull myself out of it. I need to get all this crap out of my head and get away. It's obviously not good for me and I don't know why I continue to torture myself. It's so ridiculous. Silly.

Time to put my best foot forward.

Day 6

Day 6
Originally uploaded by Echoes of Life

Today has been such a long day. I don't know what it is. It's just dragging and dragging. It seems awfully quiet in general. No phone calls, no one on the interwebz. I'm starting to really feel the stir crazy feeling again. I'm trying to enjoy my break though, I'll be back in school soon and bitching that I don't have any time to do anything.

Cheese needz to get sum frenz and a lyfe. Fo sho.

Baby Einstein = Baby Crack?

I've never bought one of those Baby Einstein movies for Maddox until last night(well, grandma bought it), and I just popped that sucker in the DVD player and that kid is staring at the TV and giggling like someone on an acid trip. Where the hell was I when someone suggested these movies?? Baby crack. Serious baby crack. Get some.

(This ad brought to you by the makers of BabyCrackRUS)

Sucked In

You when you're up at ungodly hours and the only thing that's on is those godawful infomercials? Yeah, right here, I'm watching. What is it about those fucking things? The acting is worse than the acting in a bad porn(let's not talk about that), you know damn well the things they're selling probably aren't worth a damn, and yet, you find yourself thinking "Hey, that's pretty nifty, I think I need one of those!" I think my insomnia coupled with a lottery win would result in Cheese having a lot of knife sets and crappy vacuums. And wait, if you call now, we'll somehow con you into spending another 50 bucks and make it sound like deal!

(Buy the Rug Doctor now and you'll never be too embarassed to have company over again!)

Seriously, I must be an idiot. I watch these demonstrations and it makes the product look great and I know damn well that it's probably not worth damn, yet I want it. Subliminal messages or something.....

(The Rug Doctor REALLY works!)

Day 5

Day 5
Originally uploaded by Echoes of Life

If ever a day went fast, this one did. I barely got today's picture done before midnight(can you tell by the crappy quality??). I spent all evening shopping with my MIL and running around town. It was a blast, but I ache head to toe from it. We spent hours at Walmart. And not one Walmart, but two. Yes, I am indeed a Walmart whore. Guilty. My son is going to be so spoiled(did I say going to be? He already is). We spent a ton of money and I'd say almost all of it was for him. I can't complain too much, I enjoy getting things for him. I love to see his face light up. I got a few of the wedding pictures printed to see how they would look on paper, and I have to say they look pretty damn good. I've had my camera for what? 6 or 7 months? I have worked my ass off practicing and it really feels good to have it pay off. It's wonderful to finally feel like I may have a talent for something. Don't get me wrong, I'm no Ansel Adams, but I think in the short amount of time I've been working at this, I'm doing pretty good. It's not often I pat myself on the back. Next week I have to shoot the rummage sale fundraiser for our class at school. I wonder if anyone will show up. Honestly, I don't even care that much, it's just another opportunity for me to practice. I'm also hoping to have a session with my cousins next week. I would love to be able to do more, but I don't want to get in over my head with school starting. I have to keep reminding myself that if I can just finish nursing school, I can pursue photography all I want, but no matter what, I'll have a secure job. It's just so hard to wait. I know the time will fly, but my heart just isn't as in it as it was. It does make me feel better to know that I can pursue my passion, but I won't jeopordize my family's financial security over it.

What else? Oh yeah, I was massively backed up and my stomach was killing me, but I've solved that problem. Just what you wanted to hear, yes?